he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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