Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
