I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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