Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
