I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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