My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
