I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
