i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
