So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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