Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
