I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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