Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He did a backflip because drugs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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