I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
