All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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