My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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