And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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