If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
