Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
