do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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