All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am one with the molecules
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
