Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
