How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
