Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize