He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
