You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
