I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
