i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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