Yo dont text me then not text me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
