I wannas sexs uuuuu
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did i walk over a car last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
