8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
