we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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