its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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