We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
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I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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