at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
