Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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