He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
