my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
