Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you win again, gameday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
