Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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