just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
