Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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