can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
