she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
