WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
