dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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