At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
God, I missed his penis.
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