ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
