I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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