New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
