counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He passed out mid-signature
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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