this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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