maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
