I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize