Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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