The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
