I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My cat gives me a boner
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
