You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
