Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
