I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
