that's an acceptable place to lick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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