Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
