I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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