remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its liver damage thursday
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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