so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
