DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
