glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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