hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
