I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
