i just sent this text using only my big toe
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
