i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
