You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
