I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
