wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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