i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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