Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
