I will die if light touches me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
