I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
