Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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